Yesterday I drove to Reno.

There’s a whole lot of empty miles on that drive, which was good. Because I needed that much open space to process the journey. I’ve come to Reno to meet my birth mother. And my thoughts are as cloudy as that horizon.

I don’t know how today will go. She did give me permission to come see her in a brief phone call Thursday, which is a change. She has not wanted to meet me in the past.

Whatever happens today will be enough. I’ve wanted to meet her my whole life. Not to replace the family I have, and for whom I am exceedingly grateful. It feels like I’m going back to the source, to a well from which the waters of my life have been flowing all along.

It’s been two and a half years since I received my original birth certificate in the mail, giving me my birth mother’s name. Since that day, I’ve spoken on the phone to a sister who didn’t believe me when I told her who I was. I spoke to my mother, briefly, and learned the name of my birth father. Which led me to discover a sister (on my father’s side) who has welcomed me into their family. I’ve traced genealogy way, way back. I’ve tracked down other members of my birth family, who have been gracious in their welcome.

I never thought I would be able to say any of those things. I’m so grateful for the journey this has been. I feel like a kid who has received all the presents.

Photo Illustration by Andrea Levy, found at NY Times

As I was driving yesterday, it was a solo journey. Even if I had brought an army of friends along, this was always going to be a private journey. And when the road was open and empty, I was grateful for the solitude.

As I got closer to Reno, the traffic picked up, and I was reminded that even in my solitude, I am not alone. I thought of the many, many people who are, in fact, accompanying me on this journey to the source, in other cars on the highway. So, to my friends, my family, those of you who read this blog–thank you. Your prayers and good wishes are buoying me up and accompanying me today in important ways.

One of the vehicles I passed yesterday was a Greyhound Bus. I don’t see those very often any more, but my grandfather drove a Greyhound Bus for 36 years. And I realized I am being accompanied by all who love me, even if they died many years ago.

view from my hotel room earlier this morning

Dawn is breaking in Reno. Thank you for all of your support that has brought me to this day. I know Isaiah wasn’t thinking of me when he wrote these words from chapter 58, but I thought of them as I watched the sun rise today.

Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,
   and your healing shall spring up quickly;
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
   you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am.

Thanks for being with me on this journey.

To be continued…