Yesterday, I had the honor to preach at the memorial service for a woman who was a lifeline for me in college, and a mentor until the day she died. Those of us who were shaped by her, challenged by her, loved by her, and taught by her will forever walk differently in the world.

Here’s what I said at the service:

Before I read this scripture, I’d like to ask both the gathered congregation and any of the heavenly host who might be paying attention to not strike me down. I promise this is the right text to honor Coleen’s life. 

Proverbs 31:10-31

A capable wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant,
she brings her food from far away.
She rises while it is still night
and provides food for her household
and tasks for her servant-girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor,
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid for her household when it snows,
for all her household are clothed in crimson.
She makes herself coverings;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the city gates,
taking his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she supplies the merchant with sashes.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her happy;
her husband too, and he praises her:
‘Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.’
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her a share in the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the city gates.

+++++

Coleen would certainly have bristled at being compared to a capable wife. And I know this text is often used to instruct women to work harder on the domestic front so their husbands can chew the fat at the city gates with their dude bros. 

But. 

That is the world into which Coleen was born. And yet, she chose a career over being a capable wife, arriving at Trinity in 1958. A Trinity where she had to send reports home to the parents of female students, rating their daughters on such qualities as popularity, frequency of dating, study habits, and housekeeping.

If any of you here were students then, let’s talk. I can barely fathom it. It is important to remember, though, that it was in this Proverbs 31 patriarchal world where she dismantled such rules and created a better place for her students. 

We’ve come a long way, baby, as those cigarette ads used to tell us in the 70s. 

I was fortunate in college to have an English professor who taught me to interrogate what I read, and to question everything.

The Bible is also a text worthy of our interrogation. What men (and they were all men) translated as “capable wife” in the mid 20th Century had been translated as “woman of virtue” by King James’ team in the 1600s. The same patriarchal forces that caused Trinity to police their female students’ attire and behavior differently than the mens’ was also at work in the Revised Standard Version of the Bible. A virtuous woman becomes a capable wife. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a capable wife. But the poem in Proverbs wasn’t written to define women into particular roles. 

Anytime you translate, you make choices. You bring your world, your context, with you to your translation. The word in Hebrew, translated as capable wife, or virtuous woman, actually means “a woman of valor”. The valor word is used hundreds of times in the Hebrew bible to describe warriors, kings, military leaders. 

And this woman in Proverbs is not meek. She buys land and plants her own vineyard. She deals justly with laborers, cares for and provides for her household. She has her own business selling linen garments. She wears purple. Like a queen. It is a text that Jewish men often recite at the Sabbath as a way to honor the women in their lives. It also illustrates an understanding of divine wisdom, personified in Proverbs as a woman. Obviously. 

A woman of valor, who can find? 

We did. We found one. Coleen Grissom. 

For those of us who were her students, she expected more of us than we initially knew we could offer. She inspired us to become who she believed we could be. She also knew exactly who we were, often saying things like “when you’re standing around the keg this weekend discussing literary theory..,”. 

For those of us who encountered her in the Dean of Students’ office, we discovered an advocate, and when needed, an honest critic. I’ve heard many stories from classmates about how she cared for them. 

When a parent died. 

When the student had mono. 

When students were on the wrong side of their scholarship GPA. 

Coleen came into my life through crisis when I got pregnant my sophomore year. Friends told me I should go talk with the Dean, that she could help me. So, with trepidation, I did. I don’t remember that entire first encounter, but I do recall weeping through much of it. I was confused, terrified, and I did not know what I was going to do. But when I left her office, I knew I’d be okay. And I knew I wasn’t alone.

If you spent more than an hour with Coleen, you likely heard her say “eschew obfuscation”. She scrawled it in red ink across our essays. She lifted up passages in literature where authors had distilled the jumble of their thoughts to reveal the essence. She valued clarity of thought, abhorred the passive voice, and taught me to do the same, even if it sometimes makes me panic when I write sermons. 

All these years later, I realize eschewing obfuscation was not just about avoiding passive voice in my writing. It is a reminder not to live my life in the passive voice, a victim of my circumstance.

Worried about what other people were going to think of me, she reminded me to attend to how I was thinking of myself. Facing an impossibly tall barrier, she gave me a leg up, so I could climb over the top of it and find my future on the other side. She gave me the gift of grace and not the shame of judgment I had been expecting.

I’m grateful for Coleen’s un-obfuscated voice, always helping me find my own.

She was a woman of valor in my life. She was the first woman I think I’d ever seen who was standing confidently in her own space, using her intelligence and deep heart to advocate for herself and for others, standing up to the nonsense of the world with what seemed like an unflappable confidence. 

Before she died, she fessed up to all the quotes we thought were hers but had been said by other people. One of those quotes, however, is in our heads in her voice and no amount of telling us that someone else said it first will ever convince us of that truth. 

With apologies to John Hoyt, whoever you are, let us remember Coleen saying, “figure out what you care for and lead a life that shows it”.

And so as we figure out how to live our lives in a world where she isn’t here to voice that for us anymore, it is up to us now. Repeat after me:

Figure out what you care for
and lead a life that shows it. 

If we do that we’ll honor our woman of valor. As Proverbs says,

Give her a share in the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the city gates.

Amen.

Commendation and Blessing

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend Coleen.
Acknowledge, we humbly pray, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming: a woman of valor, a professor and advocate, a friend.
Receive her into the arms of your mercy, into the streets of your eternal city, where, with your saints, Coleen is eternally in the light of your presence.

I will close with a poem as my benediction, because my Trinity education taught me the value of poetry to speak truth we can’t quite name in other ways.  

“Continue” by Maya Angelou

My wish for you
Is that you continue

Continue

To be who and how you are
To astonish a mean world
With your acts of kindness

Continue

To allow humor to lighten the
burden of your tender heart

Continue

In a society dark with cruelty
To let the people hear the grandeur
Of God in the peals of your laughter

Continue

To let your eloquence
Elevate the people to heights
They had only imagined

Continue

To remind the people that
Each is as good as the other
And that no one is beneath
Nor above you

Continue

To remember your own young years
And look with favor upon the lost
And the least and the lonely

Continue

To put the mantel of your protection
Around the bodies of
The young and defenseless

Continue

To take the hand of the despised
And diseased and walk proudly with them
In the high street
Some might see you and
Be encouraged to do likewise

Continue

To plant a public kiss of concern
On the cheek of the sick
And the aged and infirm
And count that as a
Natural action to be expected

Continue

To let gratitude be the pillow
Upon which you kneel to
Say your nightly prayer
And let faith be the bridge
You build to overcome evil
And welcome good

Continue

To ignore no vision
Which comes to enlarge your range
And increase your spirit

Continue

To dare to love deeply
And risk everything
For the good thing

Continue

To float
Happily in the sea of infinite substance
Which set aside riches for you
Before you had a name

Continue

And by doing so
You and your work
Will be able to continue
Eternally